Finding My People: Building Real Queer Friendships After Grade School Trauma

As a gay male growing up, I've navigated the complexities of seeking validation and acceptance in a society that often fails to understand or appreciate the nuances of queerness. In my journey, I found solace in forming friendships with girls and women during my grade school years, avoiding connections with other queer individuals or straight males out of a survival instinct. This coping mechanism, once vital for my well-being, has evolved as I transitioned into adulthood.

Redefining Friendships and Relationships

During my formative years, the friendships I cultivated with girls and women served as a safe haven, offering a sense of belonging and understanding that I struggled to find elsewhere. These relationships provided me with the validation I desperately sought, shielding me from the harsh realities of a society that often marginalizes queer individuals. However, as I matured, I realized that the survival skills honed in my youth were no longer requisite in my adult life, and I had to embrace other individuals with the same characterisitics as mine. Finding my soul tribe and an authentic community where I could truly be myself required me to accept a difficult but essential change. You must trust the process and only follow your soul and heart becasue your ego will be caught up in the "what if" mindset that won't allow you to find the community you need to thrive.

Embracing Authenticity as an Adult

As I embarked on the journey of self-discovery and acceptance, I came to realize the importance of authentic relationships in shaping my identity and fostering personal growth. I learned to shed the armor of conformity and embrace my true self, paving the way for genuine connections that resonated with my innermost being. Gradually, I understood that the friendships built on the foundation of validation no longer aligned with the person I had become. And, therefore, I had no choice but to act accordinly and find comfort in solitude to underdstand my inner power and WORTH! Heavy on worth.

Finding Solitude and Self-Exploration

Embracing solitude became a transformative experience, allowing me to delve deep into the intricacies of my identity and beliefs. It was during these moments of introspection that I forged a profound connection with myself, unravelling layers of societal conditioning and self-doubt. Being alone ceased to be a source of fear and evolved into a sanctuary where I nurtured my true essence without external influences. Being alone is essesntial at some point in your life. Kindly consider this. Eventually, you will require the skills and courage to navigate your path independently at some stage in your life, and it is advisable to begin early without being in a romantic relationship or having dependents.

Discovering My Soul Tribe

Amidst the solitude and self-discovery, I stumbled upon my soul tribe – individuals who embraced me unconditionally, devoid of expectations or judgments, and advised me when I was in the wrong. These authentic relationships transcended the boundaries of validation and asylum, evolving into bonds that celebrated the essence of my queerness. Connecting with like-minded souls who resonated with my most authentic self reaffirmed the beauty of genuine friendships and relationships beyond the confines of grade school dynamics. You won't waste any time when discovering your soul tribe; every moment will be valuable, so please have faith in YOURSELF. Heavy, on yourself!

In conclusion, the evolution from seeking validation to embracing authenticity marks a profound shift in the landscape of my relationships. By letting go of the survival strategies of the past, I opened myself up to a world of genuine connections that resonate with the truest version of myself. Being a queer person, discovering our soul community outside of the friends we made during our school years is a freeing journey that honors the beauty of our true selves and nurtures connections based on mutual respect and empathy. This is the phase of life we dream about.

Embrace your uniqueness, seek out authentic connections, and trust that your soul tribe awaits – a community that will love and support you unconditionally on your journey of self-discovery and acceptance.